Donate Kindness

I picture my depression and anxiety as tendrils. Sometimes they droop at my side like lugging around wet blankets; sometimes they lash around trying to cause as much damage as they can and then other times they wrap around my other limbs, choking and constricting me.  And then when they are feeling particularly malicious they manage to do all three at once.  

The tendrils are very jealous creatures. They like to take all your attention and focus. This is why their techniques are so effective. As wet blankets, they become exhausting, sapping you of energy. Without energy, your focus and passions can dwindle. As lashing whips they are weapons that push people away. They are hurtful to others then they feed on the guilt you feel to make you doubly worthless. Finally, when they are like boa constrictors they choke you of confidence so that every aspect of life is scary. 

It’s really hard to fight them. Because they are clever little buggers. They are part of you. They know all your secrets. Once you learn a new technique they learn it too and they think of a million ways to counter it.  I cannot fight my ones on my own. I always need help. 

The thing that beats them back the most is kindness. Kindness is ferocious. It is the single most effective thing I have found. I try as much as I can to practice kindness to myself. I’m still learning and failing and learning again. But the kindness of others can also be incredibly powerful. 

I really mean it. I would not be alive without that ferocious kindness. The kindness of my family. The kindness of my friends. The kindness of my colleagues. All of it has at various times helped me have faith in myself.  It helped me keep fighting. There will be people reading this who do not know that their passing compliment, their moment of listening, or their warm hug has helped keep me alive. 

Kindness can be easy. But it can also be very hard. I keep talking about the tendrils like the are a sort of creature. But they are not. They are part of me. They are my responsibility. When the tendrils are lashing out what that means is I am lashing out. I am being difficult. I am hurting others. Depression does not excuse that. I need to work to make those changes and to tame those tendrils.  

But moments of kindness in amongst that cruelty has always pulled me through. My own kindness sometimes but more often the kindness from those closest to me, the ones the tendrils are working their hardest to push away. 

 So today, I am asking you to reach out. If you are thinking of someone,  let them know. If you have a compliment give it (unless, you know, it’s creepy).  Boost confidence in someone. Tell someone of a happy memory you have. Give someone that little token of affection. Tell someone why you admire them. If you have the energy to give then give. It can make all the difference.  

 Think of it as donating blood but for mental health. It is vital. We all need that transfusion of hope, now and again.